Feeling: FULL OF SELF DOUBT, NERVES, ANXIETY
Now this may surprise some people who don’t know me very well: I have major issues with self conviction.
I am always benig told how confident and bubbly I am in social situations, meeting new people and making strangers feel at ease. This is so extremely laughable. Yes, majority of the time such situations don’t cause me distress but now and then, I am a ball of freakout. Anxiety ridden. A bundle of stress and tension.
When I get this way my body completely lets go. Everything goes straight through me. At Uni before exams, and at graduation before my commencement speech, toilet trips were upwards of double digits. I get all gabbery and flustered and either giggle all the time or start crying. I absolutely hate it.
My biggest issue is self doubt. For our exam at the end of this yoga course we have to take a 75minute class. I’m absolutely terrified. I wake up every morning in a state of panic and the Rescue Remedy is a constant at my bedside. I’m slowly managing to learn to counteract it with breathing and self chatter but it’s a major process to change the patterns of a lifetime. My whole second year of Uni was spent in this state. I was an uptight jumble of irrational fear from dawn until dusk on the daily.
This morning I’ve been stressing about making up my yoga class which is still two weeks away. It’s consistently entwined with every thought I have. I don’t know the asanas. I am useless at alignment. I’m this, I’m that. But then I walked into my 10am class and on the whiteboard was the quote:
“Have faith in your abilities.”
It’s as simple as that. And you know what? I can do this. I do know it. I’m good at it. I just need self belief.
Let’s get rid of this ridiculous overriding sense of self hesitation and doubt. Hell, I’m UltraPop! Time to live by it.