Feeling: SOCIAL, BAFFLED
Three new additions to the ashram: John, an American early-50’s lad with a badass silver ponytail and a real hippie chilled vibe; Jenn, a 30-year-old absolute BABE of a school teacher from Canada; and Kapil, the cutest, stoutest, littlest Indian man I’ve ever seen.
The ashram seems so much more full and bustling! Impromptu convos in the hall, full table at mealtimes, always someone to hang out with and say hey. And such incredible people too, with awesome stories and knowledge.
Especially Kapil. You know when you meet someone and you instantly take a liking to them? He’s like the happiest Indian cherub. I just smile when I see him.
On Sunday morning I gave him a short yoga class one-on-one and he was so grateful for my time. He told me I looked like Kiera Knightly (I swear I’m getting that so often here!) and I was pretty stoked (who wouldn’t be? In Bend it like Beckham she was the ultimate sassy bish).
This morning we were stretching before yoga (I know right? Whaaaat?) and he said, “Can I ask how much you weigh? Like 40kg? You are so thin.”
For the first time in I don’t know how long, my inner self didn’t preen in absolute pleasure. Let’s say in the past such a comment would’ve inflated me like a massive, 40th birthday helium balloon; today it was like a pathetic blow on a cheap $2 shop jobby. A flicker of joy, not the turrent I usually experience. Don’t get me wrong; I still felt a significant surge of relish, it just didn’t send me quite so skywards.
I was shocked at my disappated reaction. Where was ED? Usually he regards such remarks as the greatest compliments, bringing them on board with widely flung open arms. The muted triumph was a definite first.
Has it become that my daily mantras to myself are taking affect? That the papers I’ve stuck all around my room shouting “Healthy!” “Strong!” “Happy!” “Free!” are slowly embedding in my brain? Am I – date I say it – actually succeeding in quietening ED down? (I.e, shutting him the FUCK up?).
I don’t know. My response to Kapil’s query was just not at all the norm for me. A one off? Perhaps. But I like to think maybe the first in a long line of what I’m now terming: “Positive Popping” (of all those ED inflated balloons).