Feeling: DRIVEN TO FREE UP, TACKLE & CONQUER
Mate, am I glad to see the back end of ’16.
Don’t get me wrong, I did some fab things and came across some fantastic people (namely the whole European escapades, some adventurous activities, meeting the Dutch fam and locking in with the Cyclist counterpart), but the headspace I was in for the majority of the year isn’t really where I desire to settle. A whole lot of, “when I get that done, I’ll get onto this” and “I just don’t have time to do that or fit this in”. A flurried fuckfest, that’s what my mind has been – and this new year and beyond is all about freeing that frame up to smash the goals I’ve set out to absolutely annihilate. (I know I know, you’ve heard this all before, but this time I truly truly truly mean it).
Because it’s not a “new year, new me” resolution list; rather, it’s a piece of paper listing a number of notions that I want to achieve – while being an improved version of the self I actually am. While I have had them set out for months and months and months, I’ve been in the more “sit back and it’ll happen” mode while absolutely cramming myself to the brim with getting all other things done that I just have to do right now. The result? Resentment to those things I actually adore – popyarns and p/d for two, would you believe.
Firstly, photo a day, the initiative I embarked upon a good six years ago in a bid to be grateful. Listing all in a day that makes me happy, laugh, smile, that sort of lark, and writing it all down in my daily scrapbook diary – ideally at the end of every day, but more realistically once a week if I was lucky, more like once a fortnight come the end of the merry months. Rather than be a joy-inducing activity to ignite thankful sensations, I would see the series of screenshots waiting to be recorded in my cellular and my stomach would tie itself up in knots thinking about finding the time to write them all down. The whole p/d “have to” has become a hindrance rather than a hail, and I’ve decided to give it amiss from Jan 1 on out. (I feel so reckless! It’s only just hit Jan 4 and not reaching to note down happy occurrences feels so odd and rebellious).
Likewise, this blog thing right (or should that be “write”?) right here. I have a list with about 27 spiel subjects withering away on a piece of paper bluetacked to my wall (with the expensive, easy-to-remove-leaves-no-marks stuff, I can assure you Henio) with regular reminders all through my diary to pop up a post – and it does my bloody cranium concave! I see how long it’s been since my last yarn and I get all panicky and stressed. And why? Purely because I pop the presssure on myself.
Granted, there are some top topics I really want to pull apart and thread together (way people word things – I mean, “thank you kindly” is rather lovely, but “thanking you”? What even is that? No need to commentate what you’re doing there mate – the way the Indian boys at work always describe things with beautiful analogies, how people have their little quirks to get through the working day and their judgements based on their day to days – such as my using whether people want a glass with their beer or want their marshmallows in or out of their takeaway hot choccys; to clarify, the top notch character ones know a beer is already in a glass and marshys are so much better when melted into a sticky glob) but I just know in my heart of hearts that if I do so out of obligation, I shall never do the justice I shall should they be written when I want.
Plus this thing is a MESS; the necessity of getting in some categorisation and a bit more navigation for the site has been something I’ve been meaning to do for a long while. But I have got a solution sorted, which greatly excites me and starts striking the goal list.
Juggling five jobs has been doable, but rather taxing on the forehead front and robbing of leisure time that I’ve finally realised I must actually have as well.
So, popyarns shall be going on a sabbatical – in order for me to go on a sabbatical – for the next six months in order for other projects to take front seat and for it itself to receive a rennovative overhaul by my website wonder worker (Catherine, the almost-graduate I have hired to hustle this out and also set up my celebrant website,
poppedthequestion.co.nz – because of course it has to include a pun). Rather than the half-hearted, sporadic spiels of the last few months, there shall be none until I reach my happy home at the base of the Himalayas (or maybe a few days before I leave, we shall see). I am fully fizzing for the “Getting all Enlightened and Curried Away” adventures come June 22 or so, and there shall be a lot of subject rich matter to share.
So from here it shall be weddingsweddingsweddings with the fair bit of freelance thrown between and around the other employments as I furry away the funds to get going. I’ve managed to garner together a good 12 weddings from this coming Saturday through to April 1, so by the end of this spell I hope to be a seasoned professional.
So 2017. Not so much to a “new me” as opposed to the present Pop, just a lighter, more freed up, less rigid and more time for people version of myself. Not so much self placed pressure and “have to do” mentality every day, but driven determination to make like netball and attack these goals to be where I want to be come the entry of 2018. And there was no other way I wanted to welcome in ’17; just me and the old (well, young) Cyclist, sitting hilltop and watching fireworks and what not followed by a cider and competitive fuelled game of Rummikub and then slumber by 12.10.
It’s time to stop wishing and start actually actioning this life I want into being. So here we go.
Sabbatical from here until end of June as I get it all going. Catch ya in just under six months – I aim to be bang on where I want to be and full of whimsical and wisdomic writings to aid you through those winter mornings.