Feeling: WELL READ 

Feeling: WELL READ 

I find I have a pretty good read on people. 
It’s by no means all encompassing. And sometimes initial readings are eons off; I feel like I have someone sorted, then two weeks later I realise I was insanely inaccurate. But (my journalistic, nosy side perhaps?) when I meet someone I ask what seem surface questions, while I’m actually gathering and garnering the info to make my grade. 
As with countries and such lark, I have this categorisation and classing custom where I clandestinely ascribe a word for the many people I meet. Not always; I don’t do it for the fleeting in my life or those in passing, but for some that will be around for a fair while I attribute either an adjective or a noun for myself. 
Sometimes I’m super wrong and my “conclusion” needs fine tuning – revisiting, reviewing and reevaluating, but for the most part I blitz a bullseye. 
So to the other five Yog Dham Yogis. 
1. Dylan from Dublin 
His word came easy. MEASURED. Dylan from Dublin is probably the most measured person I know, all in his temperament, approach and even his tone. Another chicken-egg-conundrum; did the school teacher come first, or did his measurement? But I believe such a component was embedded if not at birth, then soon after. Everything he does is in a measured way, from his responses and rebuttals to the teachers in class (he likes to challenge), to his phrasing to how he conducts himself. Just measured, controlled and all out self modulated. 
I really envy his ability to question. I’m just a sorbefaciant sponge, taking what I’m told as truth and needing to actively activate critical thinking. With Dylan it comes naturally; information goes in, he weighs up and analyses, then forms his own opinion after some q-and-a with the someone spieling. 
Dylan is most definitely MEASURED. 
2. Vanessa from Vienna. (Ok, Germany).  
Initially, I would’ve classed V as something along the lines of “grave”, “reserved” or “super serious”. She was quite closed off and I couldn’t really get a read; very self assured and individually insistent, I had her down as “blithely solitary” (I know, two, but it wasn’t the final say so). 
But then I started seeing insights. Moments where she convulsed in giggles and couldn’t stop chortling. Her meeting and developing a firm friendship with an art gallery store owner, going on the befriend his whole family and visiting them on the daily. A night where, after dinner, she produced a bag of chocolate treats for all at the table. Just these sudden showings of kosher kind heartedness, taking me totally by flummox. 
Vanessa is SURPRISING. 
3. Christina from California (ok, Florida via Hawaii). 
I sincerely surmise that Christina has not a single evil entity in her body. She is niceness personified. I haven’t heard a bad word, a negative nuance, AT ALL in almost four weeks. And it’s not at all sickly so; it’s just this genuine uncontaminated disposition. (Plus she had her exam the other day and gave the greatest class, I was quite in awe). 
Christina is through and through a SWEETHEART. 
4. Danish Marie
Beautiful. Just beautiful. Inside and out. Her interest in others, her friendship with me, her natural ability to relate to everyone and make them feel included. She’s the me I’ve sort of lost that I want to be. And it’s just so natural, shining out of her like a lighthouse beacon of beauty. 
Marie is wholeheartedly BEAUTIFUL. 
5. And Beaver. (From Burns St). 
I had to think long and hard about his word. Knowing him for so long makes it harder to mark. I tried out a number of terms: passionate? Zealous? Warm, loving, understanding? 
But no, none of the above. It’s HEARTFELT. He is heartfelt in all areas. Subjects he’s into (health and such), people he cares about, people’s feelings and situations. Everything he does he does with heart, and he feels things so fervently. 
Beavs is a HEARTFELT honeypot. 
I mean, for the most part I could be wrong. Know them for a few more months and my point of reference designation could completely change. But for now, I think my reading on the others is pretty target touching. 
And me? 
I’m going to go with TRYING. 
I’m going with trying because I’m trying so hard. Trying to overturn some concreted cacodemons. Trying to extend my yogi ways. Trying to turn myself around. And “trying” also in the sense that I know I can be somewhat exasperating. 
Today I was out walking when I realised something. I’m going about this ridding of Ed business all wrong. As always I’m aiming for the apex, the huge hurdle at the end, my goal set as getting him in the grid and obliterating him with my hands. 
But I need guns. I need amo. I need tools and back up and plan B in place for when I fall down the massive mountain he’s atop. 
It’s too much to tackle Ed head on as is. 
So I’ve decided to start smaller. I want to transform myself for permanent betterment. Eradicate the inside ugly. Banish away the bitch, send off the spiteful, and instead go in a roundabout way to rid myself of the negativity and have a flow on effect to the fucked up fella. 
Still a huge hurdle – there is definitely some venom deep rooted in me. But it starts small – blocking out the negative and replacing with positive, keeping catty comments from coming out – that’ll get me hiking higher and gambolling over obstacles to eat away at Ed (“eat”, how thoroughly fitting). 

I’m trying. And I think I’ve found a strategy that can succeed. 
(Sorry. Had to). 

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