Feeling: DUE

Feeling: DUE

1. This morning as I headed up to class, I crossed paths with Monita – the older Hong Kongese lady.

“Poppy, I don’t think you are married yet,” she stated.

“You’re right, I’m not,” I replied. “What makes you say that, though?”

“You’re still very playful and peppy,” she said.

I don’t know what she meant like that; are married women meant to become submissive and not rowdy in any way?

2. I don’t know how I haven’t touched on this forefront subject before: the farting.


There’s two females in the group that seem to have insane bowel problems. All through pranayama and asana, they trumpet out numerous times. And they don’t acknowledge it at all.

Apparently it’s the Chinese way; bodily functions are not seen as a rude out loud act in company, but just something that occurs. Therefore there is no apology nor admission of the full on flatulence.

Every time one rips one out, Aussie Lyndal and I meet eyes in hilarity. Honestly, how do those lithe and lean little ladies push such loud noises out of their anuses? And sometimes I want to suggest they go and check their yoga tights – it’s not just the weather that sounds wet.

Poor Maria. In asana class we have the same placement each day, thus are next to the the same people. She happens to be next to the main winder, who lets them loose here and there. The other morning we were doing padottanasna – sort of like the below pic, but we were closer up on each other and we’re doing a pose where our heads were pretty much in each others’ arseholes.

The orifice outing offender still did some rippers. She must have had a big serving of dahl or something the night before, because these things were potent – and right in Maria’s face. And Maria, being the lovely and polite Maria, stood and took it, fart after fart, right in her face.

3. I’ve mentioned before about how maniac Martinet is about food; how all should be vegan and should not eat certain groups with others and how “cereals” (in this case, not just Kellogg’s and such but also all grains and wheat and what not) are the spawn of the devil.

But Tatiana let slip that she acts so Nazi about nutrition so as to get us as close to the ideal, optimum eating as possible. That in fact, in the break she had smashed back a packet of chips. That she isn’t actually so intense and rigid – in China she has fried noodles, cake on occasion and other stuff along those lines.

She suddenly seemed so much more real. (And my fear of her has completely eradicated as of the last two weeks).

4. German Bianca was heading off to a wedding tonight and asked if I had any “hair needles” she could borrow for her updo.

What are hair needles, you ask? (As did I). Bobby bins.

5. I have to say, Fleur the cauliflower is an exceptional baby bump. I hope if I ever do get pregnant, my real rotund tum is as softly compact and malleable as her – I mean, I can shift her around as required (I want to lean to the left? I move her along to the right); if she’s itching my lower abdomen I can hoist her up to below my boob region and should I fancy a little pillow, I can pull her out to cushion my cranium.

Somehow I don’t think a real baby bump would be quite so accomodating.

6. I’m frothing on learning about all this pre natal stuff. There’s so much to know! Pre eclampsia and placenta positioning and passing it through after the baby has vacated the vadge. There’s a few things that have super astounded and struck me more, so I shall list them below.

– Apparently the skin and hair of a mother can change when a foetus fixes in her uterus. Martinet said she has hair like mine (of course; another similarity) but upon getting duffed up her hair became akin to that of a Asian girl – silky and shiny.

Is it bad to procreate with the main motivation to get lustrous locks?

– In prep of childbirth, the female form produces a hormone called Relaxin; this substance relaxes the ligaments in the pelvis and softens and widens the cervix.

It also causes the mum-to-be to become significantly more flexible, meaning in yoga they have to be careful not to overextend themself. Apparently – more in the 80s or so, but sometimes still now – professional female athletes purposely get pregnant before big events to get their body in the state of more malleability, having a termination on completion of competition.

The glow of the gold must be insanely alluring to go to so such lengths.

– I’m getting some glorious material for when one is in the throes of labour. One of my best friends has just found out she is pregnant, and has asked me to be her doula when the time comes for her to push it out.

It is a role I have suddenly taken very seriously.

I’ve got a fabulous posture for her to get in when she is 6-7cm dilated and the baby’s head is passing through the narrowest part of the pelvis. It’s kind of a hip dangle thing, a side lunge on a chair or leaning on the partner (in this case, me). I have some squats against the wall when I lightly run my fingers along her legs and get her to visualise me pulling the pain away. And I have different options for her to be in for when it all reaches a head (literally).

Somehow, however, I feel my utopian of me soothing her into a state of serenity is not going to be quite unhealthy case. Ab can be partial to lashing out when under stress, so I feel me, “Now move into a goddess squat cat-cow” may not be embraced with love and lightness.

I am so surprised at how much I’m loving this pre natal stuff. It’s an area of yoga I’m thinking I want to explore a fair bit more.

7. Since the get-go of this course, Martinet has said, “Do not say ‘try’ in yoga. It is absolutely forbidden.” At first I despised this way of instruction; when she would just say, “Do [posture]” I felt I was crap as I was meant to conquer it and when I didn’t I felt useless.

But since I have realised she is absolutely right. When you hear “try” you know it is going to be hard and take it that you’re not expected to nail it. So – if you do actually try – it’s often half hearted and not with the belief you will get it.

But when you just get told to do it, you give it a real go.

I’m really getting Martinet now.

For some reason unbeknownst to me, when Martinet asked who wanted to teach and do an extra exam on the last day I found my hand up volunteering for the first warm up and standing part. I mean, just, why? But I’m actually super excited to give it a go – I’m really fizzing on it and feel like a real teacher.

It was well overdue really.

Volunteer to teach again – whyyyyyy

Loving pregnancy yoga teaching

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